To will is to have and intend a purpose. To be willing is more diffuse. It is to be available to respond and so perhaps to take up a particular action. Paradoxically the word will is in the word willingness. Looks like a wedding, doesn’t it? It seems to me to take some will to be disposed toward willingness.
In will the qualities of determination and control are present. But it is the quality of trust that is present in willingness. In willingness we let ourselves be available to what is yet unknown.
Phrases posted on Facebook, November 2018
Looking a little closer at the difference between will and willingness we can perhaps notice that when we use our will we are likely to be counting on ourselves, basing our trust on our own strength and sense of what is right to do. When we are willing, on the other hand, we are more likely to feel we are sharing responsibility with others and trusting in unfolding and in process more than in our own strength and determination. It seems to me that in our culture just now we are seeing a great deal of will and very little willingness.
Whenever we want to begin something good for us, it’s the will that is deciding. But without willingness, the diet or the exercise program will fail. In my experience it is the body, with all its intelligent cells, that is the seat of willingness. Once the will has declared and intention a simple question to ask the body (the unconscious really) is this one: Is this okay by you? Most likely we will sense a little contraction or ambivalence. To keep asking what will make it okay and listening intuitively we might pick up hints such as go slower, or not right now you’re too tired, or the program needs to be more flexible, etc. Listening to the body in this way brings the will and willingness into alignment around something that has a chance to be successful. This process can be used with just about anything we want to implement. It is self-courtesy and ultimately diplomatic. Used often, a side benefit of it is that we will tend to be more courteous to others.
In being willing there is a courteous disposition to noticing what is versus what we think ought to be. When not laced with judgment or urgency, an awareness of what is, actually sets the stage for what can be in a sensible, practical way.
It is easy to be willing to do something pleasurable especially if it is a one shot deal. To be willing to do what will take effort and commitment on an ongoing basis is another thing. There, support from others is essential. To acknowledge and lend help to those who are so committed is crucial. An encouraging word can lift a dedicated person out of discouragement and isolation. It is a much-needed gift of awareness.
I think we will discover that in willingness we are, in fact, practicing trust as I have mentioned earlier. This is not blind faith that all will be well in the end, but instead a quiet sense that step-by-step there will somehow be ground under our feet.
Some folks may think that willingness is a type of obedience–I’ll do what you say. But it seems to me that willingness is more about courage. It is an I’ll see what happens attitude. Could we even go so far as to say it has the embodied spirit of adventure in it?
We can trust that the sun will rise even though we can’t see it behind clouds. We can trust that if we pay attention to the light inside us, it will illuminate our next step, and what then matters is the willingness to take that next sensible step.
There are beautiful future dreamers who are willing to plant a tree they will never see the fruit of or make something possible for a child or a friend at some expense to themselves. This willingness flows out of love. They have supported many of us, but often we don’t know who they are. Future dreamers live in willingness.
I wish I could give credit to the person who came up with the quote I want to share. It came to me second hand, third hand or maybe ninth hand. The opposite of love is not hate. It is control. In willingness we are in the flow of love.
